Are You Out Of The (FI) Closet?
Meet G-Duck, he’s in the closet, but he is still cool!
It’s reader question time today! But before we go any further, I just want to clarify that (if this post ever gets to page one for the google search “are you out of the closet”, for example!) if there are any young persons confused about their sexuality reading this, we are unfortunately talking about whether your interest in pursuing early Financial Independence (FI) is “out of the closet” here. Please try google again, but not before having a quick look around the blog of course! You see on the bright side, you most have probably never heard of such a thing as early retirement is possible for mere mortal non-CEO/Rockstar/Premier League Football Players, but if you take a look around here, soak up the information available on how to save money and how to plan for FI, you could be well on your way! Hey, I’ll even throw in a few philosophical and psychological pointers on how to live the good life as well.
Shhh… Don’t tell anyone!
Now back to the question in point. I first started thinking about it a little more deeply after the witty exchange of comments with TEA on this article here. It has always been an assumed fact in my own brain that I wouldn’t be telling people about my FI goal in real life, apart from Mrs TFS of course.
Why wouldn’t you want to tell people about FI as a goal? I can think of many reasons:
- You can’t tell people at work, what if it filters back to your boss and he thinks you no longer want to work there? That won’t look good!
- If you are just starting out on the road to FI, you are still not so sure if you can achieve it so do not want to set yourself up for a big failure
- You are afraid of being shot down by your nearest and dearest: “You what son?! Get a bloody job and work till you’re 65 like the bleedin’ rest of us!” 1
- You are afraid of sounding like a workshy bum
- You are afraid everyone will think you are batshit crazy
- You don’t want people to think you are mega loaded and therefore expect you to pay for everything (You are practising “Stealth Wealth” as J-Money and Financial Samurai would say)
So, are you “in” or “out”?
Over to you then readers: are you in or out of the FI closet?
If you are “in”, why is that? Are there any extra reasons I haven’t covered above? (I’m sure there are many others!)
If you are “out”, how did you go about telling everyone?
What were their reactions? I am sure they were very varied and would make some great stories to hear abou in the comments, so let us know!
It will be interesting to see how many are in and out as a percentage. I might even add a pie chart to the post if we get enough replies 🙂
I would hazard a guess that for those still on the way to FI, a large majority are still in the closet (~80%) while of those who’ve “made it” that figure will be reversed, but maybe we are all mainly still in the closet!? Let’s see how it pans out! 🙂
Notes:
- Please note this is not a textual impression of TFS Senior, he is not in the cast of Eastenders nor was he an extra in Mary Poppins ↩
Discussion (37) ¬
I pretty much in the closet still.
While I talk about the techniques I employ regularly with friends and family and offer advice where I can. However I’ve not declared to most that the end game is “retirement” in the very near future.
Being a bit of an introvert I prefer not to shout from the houses about such things. If i succeed in my goals I’ll be looking to quietly enjoy it and use my time to help other do the same.
It seems most FI’ers are of the introvert type. At least we have the internet now to write down some thoughts and share things with each, which makes it a lot easier to find and interact with your tribe!
For the record I wouldn’t say I am a 100% introvert, but in the sense that I enjoy (need?) spending time alone to think and reflect on shit, I definitely am. Also always preferred company of a smaller crowd of 3-6 people to socialise with rather than going out with large groups!
I think as you get older the social pressure to be extroverted becomes less, so if you are naturally introverted you will tend towards being yourself a bit more. I have also realised that there is nothing wrong with this! Despite the picture we are given of how to act by the media is mostly of extroverted people (The face of TV & mainstream media being mostly filled with extroverts makes this a bit of an availability bias!) there are plenty of other (dare I say better?) ways to act.
I’ll have to work on the advice giving thing. I find it is tough to dish out without sounding too judgemental, but also the occasions where you can give it out are not very often as unsolicited advice is the worse kind you can give.
Very much half and half for me. A few close friends/family know that I’m wanting to retire early (although very few believe I actually will). Most people either don’t know or just arnt interested in discussing finance.
Firmly in the closet, for now. It’s too early in the journey for me and when I have mentioned the subject in general people tend to eye me with suspicion like I have the rage virus.
I think most would be interested but potential negativity means I will keep it secret until it is much closer. Hence the secret name 🙂
Mr Z
Kind of half & half. Having actively sought a demotion & gone part time at work, originally to look after the kids, my slightly alternative/downshifted path was demonstratably”outed”. Now both kids are in full time school the question is often asked “when are you going back to work full time then?” to which my answer is usually “well, probably never”.
of course this isn’t true FI. I talk investing with a few friends, including of course my friend The Contender http://getintheringwithme.blogspot.co.uk/
Love that answer LCIL! 🙂
Cheers for the link to The Contender, a good reminder I need to get over there and read some of his posts!
Stealth wealth is the way to go in my opinion. Many don’t understand. I actually mention early retirement to people but they think I’m just kidding…
Too funny. I just wrote about a similar topic today. FIers do think alike ;).
I am definitely a closet FIer…I think most of us are. I just think life would be too messy otherwise.
I like the term “stealth wealth”. I will definitely add it to my vocabulary.
Hah.. well the reason I started thinking about it was because of T.E.A’s guest post on your site anyway, so I guess it makes some sense 🙂
I told like 3 at work, but then make a small joke, usually because the people don’t believe me. It’s cool, I think the average person just thinks I’m full of it and I’m ok with that.
At my advanced age (55) it’s perfectly respectable to be planning retirement so I don’t really attract much interest when I start talking about what I’m up to with my SIPP. There are a few grumbles along the “I’ll be here till 70” kind but mostly people just accept that I’ve chosen to make plans to leave a little early rather than go on expensive holidays.
I don’t mention it very often though – more to avoid seeing those glazed looks of boredom than anything else. What does surprise me is how few colleagues of my age (and older) haven’t really worked out if they could leave early – they just know they will have to wait for their DB pension till they are 66 and haven’t even tried to employ a little creative thinking and explored any options to buy them even a couple of extra years. Maybe the pension changes next year will mean a lot more people start to think about this.
Close friends only. Once you’ve sold your soul to the rat race the alternative can seem threatening or crazed.
I think talking about FI and the way to achieve it is about as popular as talking about religion. Best kept to yourself and people who you know follow the same beliefs.
BTW- Merry Christmas everyone
Well it’s seeming near enough unanimous so far! People are either fully in the closet or have just told a select few. Cheers all for commenting!
And thanks Mr Moolan… yes… Merry Christmas to everyone 🙂
And a frugal and prosperous new year!
In the real world, when people ask ‘what do you do’, I usually say that I’m a real estate investor/landlord and a sustainability specialist living a simple lifestyle instead of financially independent. It is the same thing, but seems more respectable to most people. Like you said, for many people, early retirement sounds like someone is being a bum, or not supporting our economy, etc…
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Totally in the closet for me! Although to my defense, I’m a pretty introverted person and don’t really go out of my way to share personal things with others. I’d say from the what “vibes” I give off I probably just seem cheap and boring… maybe even embarrassing because I’m always looking for a deal. Me and my husband understand our financial goals so I suppose that’s all that matters. If the “word” does get out, I’d definitely be willing to share some of my lessons with others though.
I’m not good at keeping secrets about myself but I do find it difficult to come up with a short explanation of why I don’t have a job to people I meet. I tend to mention my blog and my kids but on the surface neither seem a very good justification (in lots of people’s minds – not mine) for not working (kids are at school / blog is not currently making me any money). I need to come up with a better way of explaining it – something like Green Girl has done – great job title Green Girl!
In the closet. My live-in boyfriend knows, but he thinks I won’t make it (he’s coming around slowly though, as the amount of money we have increases). Nobody else needs to know, at least not just yet.
Thanks for the comment Petra!
That’s the thing, if even your closest friend/family/partner doesn’t believe in the concept what chance have you when mentioning it to just random acquaintances… none I guess!
Good luck with your savings and slowly changing your boyfriends perception on what is possible in life!
I’m getting pretty close to early FI… and it’s tough for me to contain the excitement! A lot of friends and family know what I’m all about now… and even certain co-workers… If anything, it’s awesome when I get to reach someone I know, or am close to in real life. One co-worker, I invited out to a REI meet up, and left so excited, he told me he couldn’t sleep that entire night. He wanted to start his own journey to early FI ASAP!
If I was just starting out, I would probably be a lot more apprehensive and quiet about opening up…
It’s the whole “Don’t believe it till you’ve seen it” phenomenon in action. If someone you know has done it or is very close to having achieved it then you are far more likely to pay attention. If I am just talking about the concepts but am still say 7 years away from reaching the goal, then my words have far less weight.
Likewise if I refer my friends to your blog or Mr Money Mustache (for example) then even though that is proof, it is far easier for people to just brush it off as someone spouting off rubbish on the internet and not read into it in any depth.
Hopefully in a couple of years I will be in a better position to show people around me how it’s done by example and so will feel more comfortable being open about it!
I am most definitely out of the closet. I don’t try to hide the fact that my goal is to reach financial independence by 40 (I’m 33 now). I am hopeful that it might actually inspire someone else to do the same, or at least take a harder look at their finances and start making some cutbacks for their own retirement.
Also, I am not worried about what my boss thinks – I am indispensable to him, as we ALL should be, so I don’t have to worry much.
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Steve – That is a great perspective to have and I am glad that there are a few that are in the “OUT” camp!
Also great that you have made yourself indispensible to your boss. We *should* all be, but I guess you never know 100% until the conversation comes up, and if you got it wrong, then you might have shot yourself in the foot.
I think I’m a little more open about it than most others. Like FI Fighter, when I’ve mentioned it to a couple of close co-workers, they light up with excitement about the concept! I really believe in trying to be as open, authentic and as much ‘yourself’ as possible around other people – it tends to attract like-minded people, and is a small price to pay to have a few people thinking you’re a bit odd, instead of having to pretend to believe things and want things you really don’t 🙂
I like that attitude Jason… nice one!
I suppose I’ve dropped a few hints to people that I want to quit work asap, but haven’t gone into great detail how I want to go about doing that.
Everyone moans about their jobs from time to time (who actually likes work right!?) so it probably just comes across like that anyway.
I am deep in the closet and foresee myself in there for quite a while longer. I have one friend who I speak with about general investing but most persons I know or encounter don’t seem to be able to get their kids beyond paycheck to paycheck much less financial independence. When the conversation gets to big ticket items the talk is usually about winning the lottery to be able to afford it. So I keep my thoughts to myself.
Looks like you are with the majority there as well Lynx! Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment, appreciate it!
The name of my blog might give you a clue that I’m hiding in the closet! 🙂
Only my best friend knows that I’m aiming for FI/early retirement but even so, I’m not really sure she thinks I’m serious, especially since I’ve only really started on my journey.
As for my other friends/colleagues, I mention frequently that I want to retire early but they think that means that I’m planning on winning the lottery!
My family just know that I have pensions and investments but that’s it. I’m the ‘poor relation’ of the family so they’re unlikely to believe me if I were to reveal my plans!
I am firmly in the closet with most people. But I’m outed with a few key friends and family members.
I am firmly in the closet. We have some years before our optimistic retirement date, but even still, when word got around to my brother-in-law about our plan, I was so embarrassed having to explain myself, even though he was supportive. “Well, it’s still pretty far away,” I told him. “Lots of things could happen.” My mother just retired after 35 years working at the same hospital, hating most of it, so there’s no way I could tell my parents without feeling like I was rubbing their faces in it. As for work, I wouldn’t even bring it up until, like, two months before I leaving. Have to find a replacement after all.
very much a closet FIer. My sister knows I am trying to increase my investments and savings so that I dont have to worry about a job (given that I have been made redundant twice in 2 years!) so financial security and a passive income is my goal.
Its a personal goal not a public one.
I have barely started my career, so the only one who knows about my FI aspirations is my boyfriend. Maybe later on I’ll tell other people, but never the ones that I work with…
I recently joined Toastmasters, so I might do a speech about FI/ER sometime in the future 🙂
I’m out. I told all my family/clients that my plan is to retire early and they laughed like I was doing a hilarious British joke. It’s objectively funny, I guess, especially in the most expensive country on the world! But I don’t tend to have those thought processes you described – don’t think too much about what other people think of me.
The tricky part is not getting preachy about other people’s spending. They can do what they want. But when they whinge about not having money or not being able to get a new kitchen, I get a bit Money-Mustache on them.
Pretty much in. I sometimes help friends to recover from debt and give them some hints now and then. I am alright with my girl. She is way ahead me on the FIRE way. So i am safe.