the four spending habits of the financial apocalypse
I was on the train to work the other day and I overheard a conversation which turned to personal finances so my ears naturally pricked up. The conversation betrayed a particular spending habit which I think is rife throughout couples personal finances. It got me thinking about spending habits in general and what ones we should all try to avoid if we can. Acknowledging these habits is the first step to reduce or eliminate them so even if you think you are a frugal wizard it’s good to have a recap every so often! I decided to turn this into a series of short posts for ease of consumption (and, let’s be honest, writing 🙂 )
First up we have….
tit-for-tat spending
This was indeed the spending habit that was portrayed in the overheard conversation on the train. It went something like this 1:
Woman A: “I came home the other night and he’d spent £200 on a new pair of sunglasses!”
Woman B 2: “Oh no babe!”
Woman A: “Well… I don’t mind that much as he has done some overtime recently, as long as it’s fair”
Woman B “I know, right?”
Woman A: “As long as I get to buy something too then it’s alright isn’t it?”
Woman B: “Yea babe”
I see this sort of spending behaviour in many couples I know and it has also been rife in previous years at the TFS household as well 3.
Why do we do this? Just because one half of your financial team decides they deserve a treat, say because they have a bonus or have done some overtime, does the other half also have to decide they need want one as well?
spending wars
Left unchecked the tit-for-tat spending actually turns into some kind of childish game where both parties think each successive purchase by their opposite number is unfair and so they must purchase even more stuff to balance up the books. It does not take a nobel winning economist to work out that this spells certain disaster for the personal finances of that couple.
Here is an alternative framework to avoid tit for tat purchases that escalate into spending wars:
- Only buy things when you actually need them. If you want a treat when you come into some extra money hold off on a purchase that you genuinely “need” to buy, but that is not majorly urgent, and buy that when you come into your money. You will still get the buzz of the purchase but won’t end up with any useless tat.
- If your other half does decide to treat themselves take the stoic or rational approach to the situation and just let it go. If you both adopt this approach then over time the “fairness” of purchases will no doubt even itself out, and again you will just end up with far less shit that you didn’t really want in the first place
- If you know you are coming into some money and decide you both do deserve a treat, spend money on an experience you will both enjoy. If you must purchase some “stuff” then set a sensible limit on what you will both spend, like £50 (not £200)
That’s it for today! I said I would keep it short and sweet 😉
Tune in tomorrow for the second “spending habit of the financial apocalypse!”
Have you ever or do you still fall foul of this financially damaging spending habit? Have you got any tricks to avoid it? Let us know, down below!
Notes:
- I was half asleep so this is nowhere near a direct quotation! ↩
- Further admission: Woman B’s part in this is entirely fictitious in an attempt to inject some mild humour into the otherwise dry and one sided conversation ↩
- And no doubt we do still do it, but it is normally far more planned nowadays, e.g. if I get my bonus, we’ll both go away for a weekend or something like that, so it is inherently “fair” right up front. ↩
Discussion (18) ¬
if you’re prepared to spend £200 on a pair of sunglasses you are most likely doomed from the outset. how much????!!!?
thankfully Mrs LCIL is uber-frugal 🙂
It’s funny – i keep bringing up the idea of a new TV, but Mrs LCIL is not interested as the current one “still works”. Our TV is still one of those old fashioned ones that is about as deep (or deeper) as it is wide. I bought it back in 2002!
Nice going LCIL!
I only replaced my old-style Sony TV a couple of years back, think mine was from around 2002 too!
My ‘stereo’ at home is one of those old Midi hi-fi stacks from the late 80s, complete with cassette and turntable. Ok, I don’t use those two, but I still use the CD player and radio!
Haha… well I guess I glossed over that even more ridiculous point, but that might be focused on later in the week 😉
That is awesome! We did splurge on our TV before I discovered this whole frugality vibe but I have to say I don’t really regret it. We paid £550 for a 50″ HD flat screen way back in 2010 which was an absolute steal, and it is very good quality and no signs of breaking down (Hmm. I’ve just jinxed myself big time there haven’t I?).
Anyway hoping it will last at least another 5 if not 10 years then it will seem like a pretty damn good purchase. I don’t think any of the new fangled 3D and other rubbish gadgety features that are out in 2015 would make me want to pay over £1000 for the same size TV again, I can’t believe people are paying more now than I did back then for what is essentially the same thing, objectively speaking.
I can safely say that I have NEVER engaged in ‘revenge spending’ like this. It makes absolutely no sense to me, why would you want to send MORE money just because your partner has done so? Crazy.
I do try to insulate myself from getting near this situation in the first place by keeping separate accounts to my partner. We have a joint account for the household stuff but both have our own current accounts which we are free to spend from.
Yea it’s nutty isn’t it?
I hear this sort of attitude a surprising amount straight out of the horses mouth of many people I know and it boggles my mind as well.
I don’t think having a joint account would guard from this or not having one make you susceptible to it. You are just obviously not wired that way and other people are, so I don’t think you’ve anything to worry about my friend!
Cheers!
I know a blioke who splashed out and spent £200 on a pair of sunglasses and needless to say he lost them right away, within the week. I remember him mildly wondering aloud: “Why did I waste so much money on a pair of sunglasses?” … Even if you can afford them, do sunglasses that cost £200 really look 20 times better than sunglasses that cost £10? No they do not.
Aha but when you tell all of your mates, or passing strangers, how much you spent on them then they will all respect you, want to be your friend and very likely sleep with you if you are the opposite member of sex, did you not get the memo on that one?!
</sarcasm>
🙂
Haha, no no no! You should have torn your clothes off and (hopefully) been wearing your Frugal Man costume underneath and sorted them out.
I guess it’s jealousy and herd mentality?
Mrs Z is a frugal master and I have become a blue belt recently. That said I have never really worried what others are spending!
Mr Z
Haha, Frugal man costume. Now that would be a top selling idea if it wasn’t squarely aimed at completely the wrong market audience eh…!?!?!
I lose my sunglasses probably twice a year on average. That is why I never spend more than $5 on a pair. I even lost a pair in Macedonia, and replaced them with some that cost 150 denars, $2.71!
I know people who’ve done the revenge spending thing. It’s so dumb and destructive. Far from revenge spending, I’m not about revenge anything.
Good man Norm, I agree revenge for anything is just not good is it.
Best to be the better person and just live your life as well as you can, that is the best revenge in nearly all cases I think.
Cheers!
tit-for-tat spending sounds like something toddlers do…
My wife and I each have a discretionary budget. We do not need to compensate each other. Thanks to blogs, I now speak with her on frugal living, and she sometimes tells me: that’s not frugal!
It is very childish behaviour yet is taken part in by real human grown up adults. Believe me I have seen it many a time!
Your wife sounds like a keeper 🙂
Revenge spending is one thing and “spending based on percentage of total household income” is another. I’ve experienced this power: the spouse who brings in more feels more entitled to spend and to direct household spending.
We experienced this phenomenon in our own household and, when our income flipped, we started assuming the alternate role. It spoke volumes.
The fix? We focus on common goals (getting to/staying FI) and it has helped us address the issue for the most part. When both parties want fewer material goods because there’s agreement on the bigger picture, it takes the pressure off.
Yea that’s weird as well I think. I kinda started to feel like I should spend more at one point as the higher earner but luckily I found out about FI very soon into that whole thing (and it didn’t feel right anyway so I wasn’t all that good at it, haha). Having common goals and talking about them often is much more important for a good relationship than worrying about who spent what and when and making sure everything is “fair” – whatever that even means.